Hello again.

Back from my little Christmas break. Well, we're right in the middle of megacrunch and I'm feeling just fine. I've got an entire level to make that's due by the 26th. I've got it about a third of the way done and would probably be further, except that the world seems to be falling down around us as we speak. On top of that, I don't currently have the assets I need. But everything is seeming to work out ok, because you can't implement something you don't have and, even if you had it, you couldn't implement it... because the game doesn't work. Everything would be great if that bad ole deadline didn't keep advancing toward my position. So, I'm just polishing, polishing, polishing away until the logjam come loose.

I guess one of the most important lessons of being a game designer can be observed here: when something that you're working on goes very, very wrong, your first inclination will be to despair, complain and generally get caught up in the horse latitudes of game design. Do not underestimate the attractiveness of this option. As I may or may not have said before, the most frustrating thing about game design is when the game you're trying to design stops working through no fault of your own.

You must get over this. I'd say the best way to do this is:

1) Realize when it's happening to you.
2) Suck it up.
3) Personally make sure the right people are on the job fixing your problem.
4) Make a concerted effort to find other things to do while it's being fixed. If this takes going to your lead and explaining the situation, that's what it takes.

You being totally idle is totally useless and helps neither the game nor your morale.

All this advice probably sounds like a no-brainer, but it's harder to put into practice than you may think.

Of course, you could just despair and write in your blog, like I do. :D

Sick, sick, sick, sick, sick. Again.

This time, the damn thing won't go away. Anyone got any remedies for a cough that keeps you up all night and won't go away? Luckily, it's happening over Christmas vacation, which is usually a pretty lax time of year as far as work hours go. Well, I'm on the late shift till this freakin cough lets me get to sleep at a reasonable unreasonable hour.

Christmas was great. I got some new shoes, lots of books, some towels, Deus Ex: Invisible War and a samba cd. I'm in the middle of reading Wolves of the Calla, being the fifth part of Stephen King's Dark Tower/Gunslinger series. It's thoroughly fun and I'm having a great time reading it. I also, just recently, started reading Neil Gaiman's Sandman series. It's pretty good so far, but it's no Invisibles. Seems like lots of guest appearances and some pretty hokey stuff, at least as I ken from the first three or four issues. I bet it was pretty rad back in the late eighties, though. It comes highly recommended, so I'm going to give it ten or twelve more issues before I give it up. Come to think of it, The Invisibles didn't really kick in for me until the second collection... I'll keep you all posted.

All these goddamn books are keeping me away from my games! I just installed Call of Duty and haven't gotten a chance to play much Gothic or Gladius over the break. Ah well, I've all the time of the rest of my life, I do. So long as I don't die from this accursed cough.

I fought for my right.

Wicked time at the company party tonight. We went to Yamashiro, which is this Japanese restaurant in the Hollywood Hills. It was right above my first place in LA, and I always wanted to go, but never did til tonight. It was an amazingly cool restaurant... I'm not really sure about the food (not much left when we arrived fashionably late), but the architecture was beautiful and the view of LA at night was gorgeous. Our main party room consisted of a deck which encircled a pond containing several large poi. When the sushi ran out, they seemed nervous, but nothing ever happened to them... someone started singing karaoke and we all lost our appetites :D

To put it short, it was a blast... sang a couple songs and then capped the night off with a little shaking of the booooty. Ryan Duffin and I actually won a prize for our moving rendition of Bust a Move. I could have sworn that the karaoke operator had a tear in his eye when he gave over what turned out to be an expensive bar of soap, which Ryan and I will share.

All in all, a much better time was had than last year.

Now, back to work! :P

Oh, and I go to see Return of the King tomorrow night!!!!! YAAAAAY!

And Susy brought me to see Mariah Carey, my guilty pleasure, in concert for my birthday... shut up, Robert. It was awesome, I've been wanting to see her since I was 13. I told everyone I was going to see Slayer.

Apolo.... APolooooo...

I find that the time has come... the inevitable moment that most bloggers face at some point in their career.

Apology time.

Ok, maybe not so much apology time as EXCUSE time. I'm heading toward Alpha on Spidey 2...

( For those of you who don't know, Alpha = Content complete = All the Crap that You're Gonna Put in There is There, But May Contain Flaws )

...and I just ain't had much of a hankerin' to write as of late. So, for those of you who are checking, please keep doing so. I'm going to make an effort to write as often as I can. Alpha is just before Christmas and then I have a little break from the whole shebang... so I'll probably try to update more often during the downtime.

Until then, the GOOD NEWS is that two of my three main missions have already gone Alpha. As you probably have already guessed, this had very little to do with any work on my part, I just knew who to bug until stuff fell into place. Everything will definitely need a few passes before it can truly be considered complete.

The BAD NEWS is that the mission which will present the most challenge still remains to be conquered... and I'm in the midst of getting my ample buttocks kicked by it as we speak. Or read write wait I'm writing, you're reading. Now you can understand why it's kicking my ass.

Wish me luck!

====

On a totally unrelated side note... has anyone noticed that their water has been making their skin drier over the past couple of years? Seems like my tap water has been drying the hell out of my hands and face. Maybe the chlorine levels have been increased?

I smell a CONSPIRACY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Behind closed doors in Washington::Twelve Galaxies::Certain Treasons::Tetralogical Cosmopolitans

Addendum to last uhh... nearly two weeks ago:

"DEFINATELY" is most definitely NOT A WORD.

Catapostrophe.

Alright, everyone! Listen up. Or, uh, look up. NO! Look here. Now keep reading.

====The difference between you're and your.====

Your - Denotes possession. If you say to someone "Your...", the word that follows "your" better be something they possess, own, have or had. Or you are wrong and seem silly.

You're - Contraction of the words "you" and "are". Should only be used when you can replace the contraction with the real words.

Some ways that you can mess it up:

- "Hey, Benny, your the coolest person ever."
To which Benny could reply: "Oh? My 'coolest person ever'? I don't recall owning or ever having owned one of those."

- "Fabiola, you're soup is ready."
To which Fabiola could reply: "I am soup is ready? I am soup is ready??? What in the hell are you talking about? I thought you loved me, but now I see I am only soup is ready to you."

One thing I've realized of late is that the making of a video game involves horrendous amounts of typing. Thank God for automated macros and the like. I tip my hat to the video-games makers of old who had to do all of this on their typewriters.

I just can't see how they got along.

I know it's kind of late, but...

Thanks.

Will you love your PS2 when it's old and grey?

( Wow, it's been a long time since my last post. Ok, so maybe during crunch time I should call it the Not-so-Quotidian. Eep. Alright, I'm going to try and keep these posts generally short and to the point so that I will feel inclined to write more often. )

One of the assumptions I've always had was that it was better to publish a console game title toward the end of the console's lifespan. My line of reasoning is that, by the end of the lifespan of a console, there is, ideally, a large installed base of users. More users = more potential sales. Whammo.

However, I was reading an article today in Gamespot and it quoted an analyst as saying that the console game market is going to take a general downturn because of market saturation. Now, does he mean to say that there will be just too many choices on the shelves? Because, if so, it would seem to me that the market would simply become much more competitive, and the smaller titles would suffer because they wouldn't stand out from the crowd. I can't seem to think of many reasons why people would stop buying games for their consoles:

- Anticipation of/saving up money for the next generation of consoles
- Already have all the games they want/need
- Computers have outpaced game consoles technologically (although this would have minimal impact, given the relatively small game user base in the PC market)
- Too many choices, can't choose... aaaah! *runs out of EB*
- Sick of console/Been burned by saturation of weak titles?

Hm. I'm not sure. Those don't seem like really compelling reasons for the market to slow down. At least, not when compared with a still-increasing user base. Of course, the rate of increase of the user base will decline, but we all know console sales aren't really where the console makers make their money.

Does anyone know how console licensing works? What kind of fees does a console maker normally charge to publish for its system, if any?

Damn it damn it damn it.

I had written a big thing on Matrix Revolutions and freakin blog app timed out... and didn't save the text that I'd written already. Ah well, live and learn.

Summary of the Lost Blog:

Sic Transit Matrix

The last movie was good, not better than the first, but waaaaay better than the second. Go see it and you will probably have a good time. Be ready to have some questions not get answered. Don't worry, because this is a good thing. Think about it this way... would you rather George Lucas had just left the Force a mystery... or do you prefer midi-chlorians?

Life.

I am doomed to die.

The law of averages tells me: chances are that what I've got of my life will be lived out in a state of mediocrity. That I will spend my time not doing the best that any one person can do nor the worst that could possibly be expected. Not even anywhere near these two extremes. History and statistics predict that the sum total of my efforts will fall as a drop of rain into the ocean, having added to the sum total of what is, for all intents and purposes, infinity. And having done so at the verge of anonymity.

To paraphrase Milton:

How soon hath time, that subtle thief of youth, stolen upon its wing my six and twentieth year.

It seems ridiculous that, even at this relatively youthful age, the burden of time weighs heavily upon me. Or is it the crush of expectancy? The hurried rush we feel when we realized that we are timed... and that time will eventually run out?

Perhaps it would be easier to believe in an afterlife. To believe in a God that will provide for me another life given a bare minimum of good behavior in this one. To believe that I do, indeed, have more time than this and that it does, indeed, get better. It is tempting, but something in me cannot, will not be lulled into this. Something tells me that such a belief would only serve as an excuse for every missed opportunity, every unspoken word, every fucking moment that I should have or could have been being something to someone, doing something or doing something better.

Man, I would love to believe it, but I can't. Because it's a lie. It's a good lie that makes a lot of people feel better, and that makes me happy for them, but it doesn't work on me. My heart knows that as much as I'd like to believe it's true, shit just ain't like that.

This is it. One life to live. I'm not coming back and I'm not going anywhere else. This is my one shot at existence, period.

So, what to do? I want to make other people's lives as happy as I possibly can and leave a positive impression on our civilization, but the aforementioned mediocrity effect says that I probably won't do that in any significant way. Probably. That means that there is a chance. Because it's not all random, right? 20%-80% random/struggle? The other way around? I'm sure it's different for everybody. But for sure, there's some work/fight/struggle effect in there.

When you step back and look at it a certain way, it's kind of pitiful... all of us little people struggling in our tiny existences to make something for ourselves and the ones we love. But if you really, really look at it, it's kind of the beauty of life... it's what makes it interesting. They say the Devil is in the details, but I'm sure that, if he exists, God is there, too. Human existence... all existence... Tons of microstruggles having myriad macro effects that are ultimately insignificant because eventually, at a certain level, everything stops becoming significant, right? It's like abstracting a face until the canvas becomes a solid color. Perhaps the only things that really, really matter are our microstruggles. Hm.

The Buddhists are so, so wrong.

Following Through.

One of the reasons I love my job is that I find it difficult to stay focused on one particular thing for any length of time. The nature of game design is that you're always jumping from task to wholly differentiated task within an ever-changing and dynamic environment, which suits me just fine.

One other area of my life where my unfocused tendencies become more of a liability is game-playing. Countless are the number of quarter- to half-played games that have graced the drive of my PC. The fact that I now get paid to make games exacerbates this problem in a few ways: 1) I now have money with which to buy lots of games, 2) Playing a wide variety of games can legitimately be considered research and 3) Game Development requires some long hours. If you don't live with your significant other, chances are you won't get home til 11 or so. At least if you work for my company. So time is necessarily limited. These factors and the ubiquitous and evil advertising conspiracy to promote purchasing have combined forces in order to compel me to keep buying all sorts of games. Mind you, it is not on the level of my co-worker Jason Bare's problem-consumerism, but it is significant nonetheless and will only worsen as the cash influx increases.

Having said that! Because of the aforementioned steady flow of new games, I find it hard to sit down and play a game all the way through to completion. This is sad, because I really feel like I'm missing something when I don't complete a good game. Well, I am for certain missing the remainder of the game, at least. But, you know, artwork as a whole and all that.

Happily, there are two things that I've found allow me to kick this halfass habit.

1) Shorter goddamn games. One of the things I've noticed about games lately is that they're all so dad-blamed long. Note to developers: this kinda sucks because I want to be able to experience your game as a whole work. This is especially true for story-based games... what is the point of doing all that storywork just to make the game so long that 5% of the people ever get to see how everything comes together in the end?

Max Payne 2: The Fall of Max Payne is a great example of a shorter game that was actually significantly better because I played it all the way through. And not because I got to experience more of the same for a longer period of time, but because it was a complete experience which couldn't have been had with a few levels of play. Maybe it's because the narrative had underlying themes and patterns that wrapped up pretty nicely. Then again, maybe it's some kind of "completion bonus".

It'd be especially cool if developers were to make the main storyline of the game shorter, but include extended play options ( ie. alternate play modes a la Max Payne 2, free roaming/free play a la GTA: Vice City, or mod-friendliness that would encourage user-generated content ). This is already starting to happen, and it's an encouraging trend.

2) Portability. Like I said before, I ain't home much. However, I realized that I do spend a significant amount of time waiting for other people, waiting for stuff to compile at work, etc etc. Not very efficient. Enter Gameboy Advance SP. With its nearly unlimited battery pack and backlit screen, I am able to play practically anywhere. Thus, I have recently completed Advance Wars 2 and have just started on The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past. I can't wait to see what the PSP has to offer, as long as it's not $10,000, as rumors would have me believe.

So yay for shorter games and hooray for portability.

Om.

So, I've been researching Buddhism lately, and I've been having some problems reconciling a few of the concepts. First, some schools of Buddhist thought teach that nothing is real and that developing a sense of attachment to the illusory or transitory will inevitably lead to loss and, therefore, suffering. Second, Buddhism, especially Mahayana Buddhism, stresses the importance of compassion.

Having learned this, I wondered how it was possible to have compassion for something which you knew was only temporary and that you could not invest yourself in. The following questions arise: Is it possible to love something you know is not real? Is it foolish to cherish what you will eventually suffer the loss of?

Some schools of Buddhist thought seem to equate detachment and enlightenment, but I find it hard to understand how one can be compassionate if they are transcendent. If Nirvana is bliss in the form of freedom from worldly cares (which are equated to suffering), how is one who strives for Nirvana capable of compassion, that existential quality which needs must require a connection to the human experience.

I can understand the concept of loving something because of its existence, transitory or not. I can understand the beauty that exists even in the cessation of existence. I can understand the concept that things are not beautiful because I observe them to be as such, but simply because they exist. I cannot, however, seem to reconcile the seemingly opposed concepts of detachment and compassion.

Unfortunately, the Buddha says that the truth lies within ourselves, inner light and all that. Perhaps upon figuring it out, my inner light will burst forth and I'll disappear. I hope it happens at work so it freaks everyone out, but it'll probably happen in the shower. Damn it.

It looks like someone is catching on.

Remember! My opinions are not necessarily the opinions of Activision. Even though I work for them and stuff, ok? OK??!?!?!?!?

So, imagine that you're going to see hm... ok imagine you're a kid and you just got this great videogame, let's call it Phoney Crock 3. Anyway, it's a really, really great time, so you tell your parents how great it is, hoping that they'll get you one for Christmas. They take a look at the package and, when Christmas-time comes, they head on down to the ol' Wal-Mart to see if there are any games they can buy you. Here is what ensues...:

- they enter the store and make their way to the games section after asking four employees how to get there. Not because they are bad with directions, but because the employees are small, bitter people who are maliciously misdirecting them.

- they finally find the games section and are assaulted by a barrage of different titles, each sporting a colorful and striking box graphic that differentiates it from the others.

- they have a discussion about what game to get you:

Pa: " Mabel, I don't know what the hell..."
Ma: "He said he liked that Baloney Frock game, didn't he?"
Pa: "You mean Phoney Crock."
Ma: " Oh... I don't know... I guess so..."
Pa: "Well, here's one right here. Phoney Crock 4."
Ma: "Oh, he's got that one already, right?"
Pa: "Yup, the one with the skate-boarder on the front. He showed it to me. He said he wants the new one when it comes out."
Ma: "You sure this isn't it? I thought the color was different."
Pa: "Woman, don't test me. I already told you, this is the same one. The letters and the skate-boarder and the whole nine yards. Phoney Crock."
Ma: "Alright, alright. Oh, look, here's a paintball one, he loves paintball!"
Pa: "And it's... fifteen dollars."
Ma: "Ok, let's get him this one."

- they end up buying you Extreme Paintbrawl 2.

Let me say right now that this article was inspired by reading some recent game sales figures. Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 4 sold HALF as many copies as Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 3 ( 2.1mm to 4.2mm ), even though the former is reputed to be a superior game. Of course, this is due to myriad reasons, but one certainly has to be the fact that the package for THPS 4 looked almost exactly like THPS 3. At least enough so that I can't, in my memory, distinguish them. In fact, unless I logically derive the timeline, I'm actually unsure of whether I own THPS 3 or THPS 4, I shit you not. I think it's 3.

I can understand what the marketing people were trying to do here. They were trying to build a recognizable visual brand. The problem is that when you do this with a linear series, it gets tricky, because if they look too much alike, people won't be able to distinguish, and then they won't buy. EA can get away with this with their sports games because they are chronologically delineated (ie 2003, 2004, etc), and chances are, if you're buying it, you're buying it in the titular year or slightly beforehand.

However! It looks like Activision may have learned their lesson: Tony Hawk's Underground, due in stores shortly, sports a radically different boxcover design. Hopefully, this, along with the departure from the numbered suffixes, will help to differentiate it from previous titles in the eyes of the uninitiated. I predict that THUG's improved marketing strategy, together with its innovative gameplay concepts, will help it sell like hotcakes.

Claustrophobia.

Dp,ryo,rd. Oy grr;d ;olr yjr pnkrvyd pm ,u frdl str v;pdomh om pm ,r/ Oy jsd pvvittrf yp ,r yp epmfrt og yjod od dp,r ,o;f gpt, pg v;sidytr[jpnos. pt kidy dp,r pyjrt lomf pg mrtbpid [stsmpos/ O gomf yjsy oy'd lomf pg do,o;st yp yjr smcoryu O grr; ejrm O', ytuomh yp esyvj s bofrp gi;;dvtrrm pm ,u vp,[iyrt smf yjr vitdpt od pm yjr dvtrrm/ Yjod ftobrd ,r sndp;iyr;u vtsxu smf O', mpy rcsvy;u ditr eju/

Pj. om vsdr upi fofm'y mpyovr. O'br frvofrf yp etoyr yjod errl'd ,rddshr om vpfr/ Yjr pm;u yjomh yjsy'd dysurf yjr ds,r str yjr s[pdytp[jrd. niy upi [tpnsn;u s;trsfu hirddrf yjsy og upi str trsfomh yjod/ Nu yjr esdu. vpmhtsyi;syopmd. upi str [tryyu d,sty. pt. sy ;rsdy. [rtdodyrmy/

Og upi jsbrm'y drrm Lo;; No;;. O epi;f johj;u dihhrdy upi tim piy smf drr oy tohjy mpe/ Oy jsd s vpi[;r pg g;sed. niy oy od pmr pg yjr ,ptr ntiys;;u bop;rmy ,pbord O'br rbrt drrm/ Brtu. brtu er;; fpmr/// jsyd pgg yp ,odyrt Ystsmyomp/

Build's done, back to work!

I'm going riding on a freeway. Of love.

I wonder exactly how long I'm going to have to live in Los Angeles before I freaking understand exactly how to get from given point A to given point B. Right now, I can get just about anywhere from my home to point B, but when I'm supposed to get from point B to point C, then I'm probably at about a 50% success rate.

It's probably a lot to do with the way the freeways are set up here... I never know which one will be able to lead into the other. The vast majority of the time, you can go from heading one way on a given freeway to heading either way on the other at the junction of the two. However, there are certain junctions where you can only go one way. At least I think so. Most of the time, I just somehow end up in freakin Burbank. It's like Burbank is a magnet for freeway directional retardation. Maybe the founder of NBC was trying to set up shop in Pomona, but he was heading north on the freakin 110, so of course he could not get onto the 101 south ( only north, unless you take the 10 east! [ at least I think ] ). So all of a sudden he finds himself in beautiful downtown Burbank and just says, "You know what? Fuck it, Steve. At least there's an IKEA and a Chevy's here, let's get some margaritas and kick back on our new Poang, ja?"

Another problem is that the streets do not run north-south/east-west, I don't care what anyone says. "Oh, you just go east from here." Bullshit. You mean, like, northeast, dude.

My favorite time was when we were heading over to Susana's friend's boyfriend's house, which just happened to be in Compton. Next to a crackhouse, I shit you not. So, we're heading over to Compton and she's doing the Susana thing of just kinda drivin along like she knows where she's going. Except, of course, in reality, she doesn't have a clue where she's going. So I'm seeing signs like Rosecrans and Greenleaf. Greenleaf, as in:

Bodies bein' found on Greenleaf
With their fuckin' heads cut off
Motherfucka, I'm Dre.

So, I say, "Susy, you know where we're headin, right?"

"Nope." [smiles]

By the way, this is at like ten o' clock at night on a Friday, so I'm gettin all kinds of strange looks. So she has the great idea that we're gonna pull up to a corner liquor store so I can run in and ask directions from one of the guys hangin out on the corner and enjoying a nice tasty beverage or two.

Bzzt. Try again. Perhaps she forgot that I couldn't look any more like your typical honky that would be fun to mess with if you wrote it on my forehead.

So, we keep driving until we got a little bit out of town and could get some directions a nice family loading up their grocery go-getter. She handled the mostly-Spanish conversation while I kept an eye on the grandma, to make sure wasn't fixin to pull out a glock from her walker and buss a cap. Cause it's always the Grandmas that gots to be trippin.

Well, it's two or three years later and I've gotten over most of my irrational white-boy fear, and although there are still some places I'm kind of nervous going at night ( as Robert says, "you are a target and they *will* mess with you." ), I've come to realize that there's some great stuff hidden in the "forbidden" parts of LA.

And I'd totally go there, if I didn't keep ending up in goddamn Burbank.

Success. I am not sick. Physically.

Colds: How to f them suckas up big time.

Ok, kiddies... listen up. Chances are, you hate getting colds just as much as I do. I'm home trying to fight one off right now. Since not everyone has old-fashioned moms or grandparents to give out home-brewed advice on these types of things, here goes:

First, if there seems to be something seriously wrong with you, go to the doctor.

Now, here's a few simple steps to warding off a cold before you get it:

1) Take your vitamin C regularly. Grandpa's remedy.
2) Eat garlic on a regular basis. Another of Grandpa's remedies.
3) Brush your teeth twice a day and rinse thoroughly with Listerine. Alex Bortoluzzi would say that the alcohol in Listerine will damage your gums. In truth, mouthwashes with an alcohol content over 25% have been shown to leave gums more susceptible to carcinogens because the alcohol acts as a solvent. Cool Mint Listerine has 21% alcohol, so I guess I'm living on the edge.
4) Keep happy and active.
5) Get lots of sleep, shoot for 8-9 hours a night. I know this doesn't seem possible for most of us, but being overtired is the perfect excuse for an opportunistic virus to set up shop in your body.

If the cold finally starts kicking in, there are a few things you can do, starting AS SOON AS you feel the first twinges of sickness:

1) Keep taking vitamin C. I pop chewables like they're freakin roofies. Oh wait, I mean candy. Apparently, this isn't so good, because too too much vitamin C ( 1 to 2 grams daily ), can supposedly cause stomach inflammation. Never had it happen.
2) Drink tons of water and orange juice. I finish a gallon of orange juice as quickly as possible. The more liquids the better.
3) Chicken soup. Supposedly the steam will do you some good. And it's tasty.
4) Echinacea. Who the hell knows if this works or not. Sounds like a plan!
5) Saltines. mmmm saltines.
6) Sleep as much as possible.
7) Don't run around. Sit there and play video games, read, watch movies or, if worse comes to worst, watch tv.
8) Call someone who cares and will come pamper you.
9) BEST OF ALL - Boil up a big honkin mixing bowl full of water. Put some Vicks VapoRub into the water. Put your face over the water and a towel over the back of your head to trap the steam in the bowl while your face is down there. Inhale. Do this for as long as you can stand it. Be careful not to put your nose in the water... remember, it's boiling. If this doesn't let you breathe, nothing will.

If you have a stomach ache:

1) Take Pepto-bismol.
2) Drink Ginger-ale.
3) Drink real cinnamon stick tea with honey, lemon.
4) Keep a toilet handy.

If you have a sore throat:

1) Gargle with warm water and salt. Put a bunch of salt in some warm water and gargle with it. Don't do this around your significant other, because, although it does help, if you go too far with it, you may very well hurl.
2) Drink herbal tea with honey.
3) Don't talk and stuff.
4) Saltines, once again.
5) I like cough drops, but they do make your tongue feel nasty.
6) NyQuil fixes everything. Don't drive, operate heavy machinery, expect to be coherent or do anything else after taking NyQuil.

Happy, happy. Joy, joy.

So, I think I'm going through the happiest period in my whole entire life right now. I know that most of you expect bitter cynicism and world-hatred when you come online... if that's what you want, go look somewhere else, ya freakin jerk!

Anyway, things are pretty great right now. Most of my relatives are still alive and in good health. I'm in good health... so are all of my friends. I love my job and the people I work with are like a company full of brothers that I never had. Crazy, retarded brothers. My love life is definitely amazing, I couldn't ask for anything more.

A couple of years ago, when I was working at another company, one of the people who ran the place accused me of being "too happy". If you can believe it, this was made into an employment issue. Needless to say, it really floored me. I'm not fake, I'm not an airhead and I don't exactly live with my head in the clouds. I may be generally optimistic and friendly, but that's only because I've been through some pretty heavy times and I know the value of enjoying every moment that I can. Aka: I'm not naive... I'm positive because I've seen the alternative and I chose not to embrace it. Once you understand what's really out there and what unhappiness really is... and I don't mean this "badass-hardcore" marketing bullcrap that everyone's been fed for the last decade or what you feel when your girlfriend leaves you or this pseudo-goth cybercism... I mean true unhappiness... when confronted with it, you'll sure as hell know it and you'll either want nothing to do with it or you'll get depressed and become a goth chick. I chose the latter. Damn! I mean the former.

Anyways, yeah. The answer to true happiness for me was to look fear, pain and hatred in the eye and say, "See ya, not for me." 'Cause I had a choice... everyone has a choice. You have a choice. Probably several. If you're not happy, quit your bitching, find your choice and make it. Trust me, your life will be so much better for it.

Jesus Cries, mijo.

I finally went and caught Once Upon a Time in Mexico tonight and hot damn that was one ridiculous movie. I couldn't help feeling throughout it, though, that there was some kind of talent there. So, let's take it at that... Robert Rodriguez has some talent that shines through in his films despite all the stupid stuff he does to obscure it. I think he's going to be a really great director some day, when he can get over whatever is plaguing him. Some possibilities:

1) He's immature. Perhaps it will be the process of growing older that will calm him down and allow him to understand and focus the madness that he's putting up on the screen. Right now, his stuff has moments where it really comes through and touches you, but it's mostly a bunch of disparate threads, of which only a couple end up being well-handled and well-integrated with the work as a whole. It's like he's got a lot to say, but he doesn't take the time to say anything enough to make it worth saying. Is this a problem endemic to youth? Maybe so, because I damn sure feel like it sometimes.

2) He's self-conscious. He's got some really interesting things to say and he's got a penchant for symbolism. But it seems like every time he gets close to doing or saying something meaningful with his stuff, he goes and puts in something ridiculous from way out in left field. I've seen people do this before... it's a good proactive defense when you're worried that people will criticize what you have to say or won't take it seriously. You head them off at the pass by not taking it seriously yourself. I mean, the guy is making wild action movies that are supposed to be crazy and fun, but a lot of the craziness feels... out of place... like it's got some other function than what it's ostensibly there for. God dammit, Robbie, take your self-doubt by the balls, look it in the eye, say chingate, cabr;on, and pull the fucking trigger. My experience tells me that you can't do anything well that you don't put your heart into... and you can't put your heart into anything when you're self conscious.

Well, anyway, I hope some of you will go see the movie... you'll definitely see what I'm talking about. He's gotten better at making movies since El Mariachi and Desperado, but he seems to have progressively lost his ability to tell a focused story. Maybe this is like his "teen" stage... going crazy with all the options and responsibility that are open to him. I'm sure we'll see some good stuff out of him in the future as he comes into his own.

P.S. Holy shit. I just checked out the imdb entry for Robbie. Good Christ, is there anything that this guy doesn't do on his movies? I mean, he composed the freakin' score for Christ's sake. Wow. Maybe that should have been number three... art mimics reality: does too much himself to pay enough attention to any one thing. It sure as hell is remarkable, though.